excerps from a Dog and a Cat's diary

> EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:



>
> 8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
>
> 9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
>
> 9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap...Delicious!
>
> 10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
>
> 12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
>
> 1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
>
> 3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll
> wag
> my tail in joy. 4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the
> walls!
>
> 5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
>
> 7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
>
> 8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
>
> 11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is
> soooooooo great!
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:


>
> Day 683 of My Captivity:
>
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
>
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
> fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
> rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
> keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
> escape. In
> an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
> feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
> clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
> condescending
> comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!! Hmmmph!
>
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
> placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
> could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
> was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how
> to use it to my advantage.
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
> again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.
>
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
> snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
> released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously
> retarded.
> The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with
> the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
> captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
> he is safe........ for now